Kevin<\/b>: Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.<\/p>\n
\nJane’s Aunt<\/b>: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
\nJane<\/b>: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!\n
\nKevin<\/b>: [motions to a “Gone With the Wind”-style dress] What the hell is that?
\nJane<\/b>: Theme wedding.
\nKevin<\/b>: What was the theme? Humiliation?\n
\nJane<\/b>: You tell him the truth, or I will.
\nTess<\/b>: No, you won’t. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, and you definitely wouldn’t hurt me; I’m your sister.
\nJane<\/b>: That was yesterday. Today you’re just some bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother’s wedding dress.\n
\n
Jane<\/b>: I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.<\/p>\n
\nJane<\/b>: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
\nKevin<\/b>: I didn’t follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.\n
\nJane<\/b>: How refreshing! A man who doesn’t believe in marriage.
\nKevin<\/b>: I’m just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
\nJane<\/b>: Oh! That’s so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn’t exist? ‘Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
\nKevin<\/b>: A-ha! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!\n
\nCasey<\/b>: So what happened?
\nJane<\/b>: He needed to know the truth.
\nCasey<\/b>: You could have told him face-to-face. I mean, I know my moral compass doesn’t exactly point due north, but… if I say something’s wrong, something’s wrong.
\nJane<\/b>: You’re the one who’s always telling me to stand up for myself.
\nCasey<\/b>: Yeah, but that’s not what you did. What you did was unleash twenty years of repressed feelings in one night. It was entertaining, don’t get me wrong, but if it was the right thing to do, you’d feel better right now. Do you feel better right now?\n
\nTess<\/b>: How could you let this happen to me?\u00a0“If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, then her sister Tess is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be who at any moment might start stomping around Manhattan, breathing fire, and swatting planes from the sky.”
\nJane<\/b>: I had no idea he was writing an article about me.
\nTess<\/b>: You? He called me Bridezilla! In the New York freaking Journal! I could tear him apart limb from limb!\n
\nJane<\/b>: I think you should just admit that you’re a big softy, that this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded and mysterious and sexy…
\nKevin<\/b>: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was the last one?
\nJane<\/b>: What?
\nKevin<\/b>: Did you say “sexy”?
\nJane<\/b>: What?
\nKevin<\/b>: You think I’m sexy?
\nJane<\/b>: No.
\nKevin<\/b>: It’s okay if you do.
\nJane<\/b>: I don’t!\n
\n
Kevin<\/b>: You’d rather focus on other people’s Kodak moments than make memories of your own!<\/p>\n
\n
Kevin<\/b>: I think you want a wedding, not a marriage, a wedding.<\/p>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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