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Paula: I’m Paula.
Tripp: I’m Tripp.
Paula: You know, usually I don’t sleep with someone on the first date.
Tripp: I don’t think this counts as a first date.
Paula: It would be a date if you asked me to have a drink tonight.
Tripp: Mmm. You wanna have a drink tonight?
Paula: Mmm. Can’t. How about lunch tomorrow?
Tripp: Sure. Wait. Tomorrow’s Saturday.
Paula: [perplexed] Sometimes I eat on Saturday.

Tripp: Do you have real feelings?
Paula: Of course I have real feelings!
Tripp: For what?
Paula: For you! And believe me, I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good… but… it was okay. Well, it… it was empty, actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Whereas now… because of you… I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that.

Kit: Shut up, you whore!
Paula: [sipping champagne] Oh, I’m sorry. Was I sipping too loudly for you?
Kit: No, you’re not sipping too loudly. It’s that goddamn bird outside my goddamn window! What the hell kind of devil-bird chirps at night?

Kit: I smell something. D’you smell something?
Paula: Oh! Oh, Tripp and I had crab today.
Kit: No, that’s not it. I smell… fun.
Paula: What?
Kit: You are a dirty little fun-haver.

Tripp: All right, assuming that pretending to own a yacht was a brilliant, romantic yet ultimately flawed idea, how do you see the rest of the day playing out?
Paula: I don’t know. I’m so hungry, I can’t think. Seagulls ate my lunch.
Tripp: What if I took you to a restaurant?
Paula: Are you gonna pretend to own it?
Tripp: No. All the restaurants I own are in Europe.

Kit: The tall one’s kinda cute. What’s he do?
Paula: Oh, he’s some kind of software writer. He works out of his basement, but he makes a lot of money. Oh, you know what? No, that’s the little guy. The tall one just got fired from Kinko’s.
Kit: How will I choose?

Tripp: It’s over. She gotta go.
Ace: You’re dumping Paula?
Demo: What happened?
Tripp: Same thing that always happens. Everything is going along nice and smooth, we’re having a good time, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, woah!, she gets serious. I hate to say it, boys, but it is time to take the girl home.

Paula: Nothing like the threat of decapitation to make it a little more interesting.

Ace: Point is, my friend, you are afraid of love.
Tripp: Bullshit. No, no, no, man. I’m not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I’m the rebound guy; other times, when I get lucky, I’m the explore-new-areas-of-your-sexuality guy; but, every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun; it’s good for me, it’s good for them, and I would argue that it’s damn good for civilization as a whole.

Paula: Al, I never have sex with a client. Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated, and let’s face it, after men have sex…
Sue: Is there anything that we need to do?
Paula: Well, for starters, you could make life a little more difficult for him. You know, uh, more chores, more responsibilities, that kind of thing.
Sue: I just think you should know that Tripp has had some rough breaks.
Paula: I promise you, when this is over, Tripp is going to be an independent, self-sufficient adult.

Paula: Come on, Tripp. Please, you… you don’t understand.
Tripp: You’re right. Now, hold on. I don’t know what your daily rate is, but that’s everything I’ve got in my wallet. There’s three hundred dollars.
Paula: Oh, come on, Tripp!
Tripp: It should be good for tonight, especially since we didn’t have sex.
Paula: Please, Tripp, let me just explain to you.
Tripp: Get the fuck out of my car.

• The roles of Tripp and Paula were written for Zach Braff and Amanda Peet.
• Brooke Shields, Tori Spelling, and Reese Witherspoon were all offered the role of Paula, but turned it down.
• The minor league baseball game Tripp and Paula attend is a New Orleans Zephyrs home game.
• In the opening scene, the old couple at the restaurant are the parents of the director Tom Dey.
• The BB gun that Ace and Kit use to shoot the mockingbird is a Red Rider.