Alice: What’s a meet cute?
Ben: It’s when two people meet each other and instantly fall in love. Like you know, when you reach for the same cereal at the grocery store. It’s adorable, and you’re like “Oh my god, you like Lucky Charms too? That’s amazing, I’m Ben by the way.”

Ben: But the truth is… if you spend your whole life looking for perfect… you wind up with nothing.

Alice: I got to do a little personal maintenance first.
Ben: Yeah.
Alice: You know what I’m saying?
Ben: Sure.
Alice: Got to run the raccoons… out of the trash cans.

Angela: Now, this fine piece right here…
Alice: Mom, no, don’t call me a fine piece.
Angela: What?
Alice: That’s weird, it’s weird, okay.
Angela: You’re my daughter! It’s okay if I think you’re a fine slice.

Ben: If I get a boner, you’ll think that I think you’re attractive, and you’ll never let me live that down.
Alice: Oh my god, okay, I promise I won’t read any subtext into your boner.
Ben: You’re gonna read the boner.